“A Mental Health Minute:  Practicing Self-Compassion”

Has anyone thought to themselves, “I’m sure hard on myself. Actually, I’m probably my own worst enemy!”

If so, this post is for you.

We often believe that the harder we are on ourselves, the better we will be at learning a new skill or forming a healthy habit. After all, no pain, no gain, right?

So, we can become downright cruel when we “mess up” or fall short of our goals.

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Guess what? Being one’s own personal drill sergeant has the OPPOSITE effect of helping us get better. It typically makes us feel more hopeless about ever changing and much more likely to give up entirely.

Depressing and anxious thoughts follow:

“I should know better than to try X again. I have no self-discipline, and I always fail. I’m such a loser.”

“X (insert name) seems to do this with such ease.  If only I could be more like her.  She has it all together.”

The good news is, there is an alternative stance we can take toward ourselves that makes it far more likely we will achieve the changes we want. This is the practice of self-compassion versus the harsh self-criticism we relentlessly practice.

The essence of self-compassion is learning to treat oneself with patience, kindness, empathy and understanding. Self-compassion recognizes that life as a human being is super difficult, that we all suffer and struggle, and that we deserve to treat ourselves with the same kindness and compassion we treat others.

Self-compassion means that becoming your own best friend is far better than having yourself as your own worst enemy.

Below, you will find a link to the web site of the founder of the self-compassion movement, Dr. Kristen Neff, PhD.

She shares articles about self-compassion, the rationale for why it works, exercises, meditations, and other practices.

Why not start today? Tell yourself, “(Your Name), today you are setting a goal of being caring and encouraging when you fall short of your own expectations. You

will stop setting the bar too high and celebrate small victories toward reaching your goal. Together, we will work toward consistently telling that inner bully they have to leave us the hell alone and banish them for good.  I love you, friend, and I am here for you.”